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| rdfs:label | - Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/Neptune (2nd)
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| rdfs:comment | - 16:09, December 28, 2011 (UTC) I've got this one. -- 12:20, February 10, 2012 (UTC)
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| dcterms:subject | |
| Mcomment | - My overall grade of the article.
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| Pcomment | - I'm much happier in this regard. Your spelling and grammar are ok, I corrected one error as I read through and I'd recommend you double check for more. Proofreading is, regrettably, something of a necessity when presenting articles for VFH, you don't want to have Socky silently judging you in the article history. Always read through after you make changes and you should be absolutely fine. Copy the article into a word document and use the spellchecker there, it often catches issues that browser spellcheckers don't. However you seem to be doing okay at this so far so I won't belabour the point more than I already have done. Your image placement is fine and there are plenty of them, no issues there.
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| Icomment | - Your images are relevant to your text and they are captioned well, no real issues to resolve here. Hurrah! My only advice would be that if you make any major changes to the article the images should change also and you should make sure the captions remain relevant.
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| Ccomment | - The concept, like the humour, isn't particularly bad in of itself. The main issue you run into is in your execution. You have obviously decided that you want to juxtapose facts with silliness. This is a good approach to use and one that works very well. What you need to consider for your article is whether you should re-title your sections, it may prove easier for you to directly parody the Wikipedia page on Neptune; I get the impression that you have already had a look at it. I feel that if you take the information you need from the Wikipedia article you may find it a lot easier to find a source for a lot of your existing jokes so you need not rewrite but rather reshuffle. I'd suggest a quick look at the disambiguation page which might give you some good ideas. If you don't want to make this change then let the other articles on planets guide your changes, other writers are also on hand to offer advice on the best way to take your article if you decide you want to write in this fashion. If you aren't sure what I mean by any of this you are welcome to ask on my talk page where I will attempt to explain more clearly.
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| Fcomment | - This is by no means a poor effort and there are parts of it that did get a smile from me. The issue however is that these laughs are being prevented simply through jokes being made without a basis or where they have a basis they outstay their welcome and become an irritant to the reader. I have discussed your humour at length already so I won't repeat myself unduly. Have a look at some other articles on this topic and have a look at HTBFANJS, not because I think you must but because there are a lot of helpful tips in it and these can often be the source of good ideas and good jokes. If you are disappointed by lower scores than you were expecting then I urge you not to be, your article has potential to be excellent and at the end of the day this review is just my opinion, there are plenty of others available if mine is not helpful to you. If you do have any questions or comments about this review then you can leave a message on my talk page and I'll be happy to respond. Good luck making any changes.
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| dbkwik:uncyclopedia/property/wikiPageUsesTemplate | |
| Signature | |
| abstract | - 16:09, December 28, 2011 (UTC) I've got this one. -- 12:20, February 10, 2012 (UTC)
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