| abstract | - Halogens is the name given to elements which inhabit group 7 of the periodic table – a block far enough away to avoid the smell of chavvy Earth Metals but not as exclusive as the home of those fucking snobs, the Noble Gases. Halogens are known for the violence of their reactions and scarcely a day goes by without one being picked up by the cops as the need to fund their crippling electron habit can only be met by petty extortion and mugging. not good folks.” Halogens are coloured and really seem to have chip on their shoulder about it. Their extreme volatility disguises a deeper self-loathing and all too often they dive in to relationships with unsuitable elements from the wrong side of the transition block in the desperate need to form a white precipitate. Such hastily arranged partnerships rarely satisfy for long, however, as Halogens are generally poisonous to those they love. Extremely electronegative attitudes and rampant egotism has lead to the suggestion that they can only truly share with themselves. According to Sigmund Freud, this is because they were only-children with a mother fetish and an unhealthy interest in their own excrement. Jung, however, suggested that it is because “They’re just like that, you know. Some people are just not good folks.” The name Halogen is thought to derive from the Ancient Maori word “Halitosis” meaning dog-breath and refers to their overpowering odour which compares badly to that of unwashed Vietnamese peasants in a crowded, overheated sweatshop full of half-rotted vomit. Halogens themselves prefer to believe that the name refers to the faint Halos which they claim is visible when the sun shines out of their arse.
- Halogens are the elements in Group 7 of the periodic table.
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