| abstract | - Linkara: (singing)There was a guy,That critic with the glasses guy,He once attempted to reviewMoulin Rouge.So begrudgingly,he hated it,berated it,for causing so much misery. NC: (thinking, lethargic and depressed) Moulin Rouge. A movie. A musical nominated for several Oscars. Directed by Baz Luhrmann. A film of pretentious pleasures, where arthouse beatniks and singing emos praise this uninspired buttfuck for its originality. How could they not see that this film has ripped off every tired romance, every overused line, every attention-grabbing editing trick to make people believe it's saying more than it really is? But perhaps, I'm getting ahead of myself. (picks up laptop and starts typing on it) I first saw the movie exactly one week ago... NC: Hello, I'm the Nostalgia Critic. I remember it so you don't have to. Today, we're going to look at a movie that was said to bring back the movie musical. So films like Chicago, Hairspray, and Sweeney Todd all owe their thanks to this film. But sadly, so does Phantom of the Opera, Burlesque, and High School Musical. So a bit of a mixed blessing. But, hey, what it started is one thing. Does it still hold up after all these years? OF COURSE NOT! NC: (VO) It didn't even hold up when it first came out! But SOOOO many people were enthralled with how "artistic" it is and how "revolutionary" it is. Because there's nothing more revolutionary than playing songs we already know and recycling plotlines that even Twilight would laugh at! NC: Oh, that's right! I fucking went there! I hate this film that much! This is an ungodly annoying piece of crap! And given the films that I've watched, (shows covers of Batman and Robin, Street Fighter, Double Team, and Waterworld) that says a mouthful as big as the Jolly Green Giant's condom size! So let's cut to the beginning and see why this film sucks so much. NC: (VO) We see our oh so tortured artist, as he looks back thinking about what put him in a state of woe that most art college students pray they could be unprivileged enough to reach. Christian: The woman...I loved...is...dead. NC: Oh, thanks. Spoilers! NC: (VO) This is Christian, played by Ewan McGregor. He moved to Paris in 1899 to become an ARTISTE, where he heard the Bohemian Revolution was going on and realized that he had just the right amount of style and perfect lack of substance to fit in perfectly. Christian: (narrating) I had come to write about truth, beauty, freedom, and that which I believed in above all things: love. There was only one problem: I'd never been in love! Luckily, right at that moment, an unconscious Argentinean fell through my roof. [That bit exactly happens, an Argentinian falls through Christian's roof] He was quickly joined by a dwarf dressed as a nun. Toulouse: (bursts in) How do you do? My name is Henri Marie Raymond Toulouse-Lautrec Monnnnnnntfa! NC: (VO) So, as you've probably guessed, the style of this movie is...well...I'd say over-the-top, but I think even Salvador Dali, Jerry Lewis, and Charlie Sheen would be trying to have an intervention with this movie. Bohemian: How is he? Oh, wonderful. Now the narcoleptic Argentinean is now unconscious, and therefore, the scenario will not be finished in time to present to the financier tomorrow! NC: (VO) Yeah, There is nothing subtle about it. The whole thing is told like one long music video, which for the music sections, is great, but for the dialogue scenes, it makes you want to pluck your pubic hair with a chainsaw. Bohemian: Stop! Stop, stop, stop, stop! That insufferable groaning is drowning out my words! Please just stick to a little decorative piano. NC: (VO) In fact, let's play a game. It's called "find the shot that lasts more than five seconds". Go ahead. I dare you to find one. NC: (VO) I mean, imagine if I did an entire review in the style of what this movie is giving us. NC: Hello, Critic. What's up with you? NC: Oh, nothing much. What's up with you? NC: Oh, nothing much. I just wanted to see if you were still talking to yourself. NC: Why, yes, Critic! I sure am! NC: That is good to know! Both NCs do various cartoony faces and motions followed by animated Tarsem from The Cell appearing. Tarsem: ASK ME WHAT IT MEANS! ASK ME WHAT IT MEANS! HOOHOOHOO! NC: (VO) So Christian tells his friends that he wants to be a soul searching poet. And, like most attention-grubbing artists, he achieves great praise by completely ripping off somebody else's work. Christian: (singing) The hills are alive...with the sound of music! NC: (VO) Ah, yes. I'm sure this is what Rogers and Hammerstein had in mind when they wrote this angelic music: dwarfs, crossdressers, and Obi-Wan Kenobi in lederhosen. Hey, if that doesn't come into your mind when you hear this stuff, then you need to seek some help, weirdo! Christian: (narrating) We were off to the Moulin Rouge, and I was to perform my poetry...for Satine. NC: (VO) So they go to the bordello called Moulin Rouge to meet up with Zidler, the owner, and Satine, the star. And, of course, we get more already existing songs, crazy visuals, and annoying editing. Zidler: (rapping) If life's an awful bore/And living's just a chore/That you do 'cause death's not much fun/I've just the antidote/And though I mustn't gloat/At the Moulin Rouge, you'll have fun! NC: (VO) I'm sorry, I just can't get into this. It's loud, it's stupid, and there's not dramatic backing for it in any way. NC: I mean, who in their right mind would actually enjoy this? Brentalfloss: No, Critic! There's so much more to this movie than you give it credit for! NC: Brentalfloss? Floss: The one and only, baby. Look, there is a lot more good to this movie that you're not seeing. NC: Hey, I love your stuff, but what's stupid is stupid, and this movie is clearly stupid! Floss: No, Critic. You just gotta get...MORE INTO IT! NC: WAAAAHHH! NC: (Looking around) What the hell? (to Floss) Why do you look like the Dumbo mouse?! Floss: (imitating Zidler until otherwise noted) I told you, Critic! If you want to truly enjoy this movie, YOU HAVE TO GIVE YOURSELF TO THE MOVIE! (rapping)Most movies follow rules,The kind you learn at filmy schools,But here, good ole Baz will have none of it!The content may be lame,But speak this movie's name,And you will see, people love it! But maybe I'm deluded!But aren't the songs well-suited?And even if it's stupid,It's fun! So let go of your fear!Grab a girly beer!I know you think it's drivel,But I eat it up like kibble! Because it's bright and pretty,The use of songs is witty!And even if it's shitty,It's fun! Word to your mare! Floss: You see, Critic, the movie is in and of itself...A MUSICAL EXPERIENCE! NC: Yeah, but just because something is shot really intensely doesn't mean it is intense. Floss: Oh, come on. Even you have to agree the cinematography is BRILLIANT! NC: Yeah, when you can see it. NC: (VO) The editing goes by so fast, you're never allowed to enjoy how well the shots are set up. In fact, you could edit anything in there and it would fit in! NC: You see? Floss: Oh, all right, that can be a problem sometimes, but there's so much more awesomeness this movie contains! NC: Like what? Floss: (waves his hands) Dispepdididush! (they disappear in a poof and a clip for the film replaces them). Floss: (VO) Like, how about when the crazy party atmosphere is suddenly interrupted by stylistic silence of Satine's appearance. NC: AH! A QUIET MOMENT! TAKE IT OFFSCREEN! (Floss sighs) Satine: (singing quietly) The French are glad to die for love... NC: So how long do you think this silent moment's gonna last? Floss: Hey, don't assume just because it's a loud, crazy musical that the whole movie is... Satine: (singing loudly with accompaniment) A kiss on the hand... NC and Floss: About twelve seconds. Satine: (singing) But diamonds are a girl's best friend. Floss: (VO) So Satine may look like your everyday Rocky Horror prostitute Barbie, but in reality, we discover she's looking for something more. NC: (VO) More? What the hell else could she possibly want? She's the center of the fucking universe! Floss: (VO) You see, she needs to seduce a very rich duke so that he will finance her real dream. Satine: Will he invest? Zidler: Pigeon, remember, a real show, in a real theater, with a real audience, and you'll be... Satine: A real actress. NC: (VO) Oh, yeah, 'cause lord knows, THIS isn't enough! Being hailed as a frigging goddess, men wanting you, women wanting to be you, performing every night to hundreds of people greeting you with applause. Yeah, I can see how being an actress would be ENTIRELY different from this! Floss: But don't you see? They don't want to combine sex and acting together. NC: Then they're in the wrong time period. Floss: Zidler just wants to open a theater! And Satine just wants to act. NC: Okay, then. Tell me this: why didn't they just open a theater? (Floss thinks) NC: (VO) I mean, if they decided to start off with a bordello, why couldn't they just turn it into a theater now? This place is crawling with riches, so why do they need this duke fellow to throw money at them when literally the audience IS THROWING MONEY AT THEM?! Floss: Because it's her dream. NC: Well, their dream is stupid. Floss: (normal voice) You're stupid! NC: (VO) So through a misunderstanding, Satine mistakes Christian for the Duke, who's only there to get his play produced, which, of course, results in the classic double entendres that even second-graders would moan at. Christian: I'd rather just uh...get it over and done with. Satine: Then let's get it over and done with. Christian: I'd prefer to do it standing. Satine: Oh. Christian: It's quite long, but I think if you're open then...then you might enjoy it. Sometimes it takes a while for, you know, inspiration to come. Father: You think you can fit him in? V: At his age? Father: I'm afraid if he doesn't learn it now, he's never going to. Floss: Hey, was that last clip from Milk Money? NC: Could you tell the difference? Satine: Let mummy help. (grab's Christian's crotch) Does that inspire you? NC: (VO as Christian) Well, my balls are alive with the sound of WHOOPIIIEEEE! Christian: It's a little bit funny. Satine: What? Christian: This...feeling inside. NC: (VO) So Christian continues to quote songs--oh, I mean, create poetry--as Satine thinks he's merely trying to turn her on. Cristian: I don't have much money but...boy, if I did, I'd buy a big house where we both could...could live. Satine: YES!!! YES!!! YES!!!! OH!!! OH!!! Cristian: But it's the best I can do. Satine: NAUGHTY!!! DON'T STOP!!! Woman: I'll have what she's having. Satine: YES!!! YES!!! Christian: (singing) My gift is my song... (Satine stops and is transfixed) ...and this one's for you. NC: (VO) Okay, I'm sorry. I don't care if they're quoting great songs. Nobody just freezes hypnotized when they sing the first few notes. I mean, yeah, music is powerful, but he says just one word and the people are spontaneously entranced! Floss: Well, I disagree, Critic. I for one can tell from the first note of a song whether it's going to be good or not. NC: Oh, really? Floss: Yes. NC: (singing) I... Floss: Sucks. NC: (singing) The... Floss: Crap. NC: (singing) When... Floss: Been done. NC: (singing) They... Floss: Pedestrian. NC: (singing) We... Floss: BRILLIANT! NC: (VO) So, while singing his song, he realizes that even though he's only known her for just a few seconds and she's acted like a total spaz, HE'S IN LOVE WITH HER! But sadly, the truth must be revealed. Christian: I'm not a Duke. Satine: Not a Duke? Christian: I'm a writer. Satine: A writer? NC: (VO) And just who is the Duke, you might ask? Why, Basil Exposition from Austin Powers! NC: Ow! Floss: You foo-el! That's actor Richard Roxburrrrrgh! He's played some of the greatest villains of this generation! NC: Like who? Floss: Uh, well...this...and many other subtle film roles. NC: He's about a subtle as Kabuki mime school. Floss: No, no. He's played the villain in lots of subtle movies. Uh, like...uh...(shows Mission Impossible 2) Okay, that's no good, but what about his Oscar winning performance in...(shows Van Helsing)...Okay, okay. But how can you forget his UNBELIEVABLE role in...(shows Stealth)...ALL RIGHT, NOW YOU'RE TEASING ME! NC: I'm outta here. (tries to leave) Floss: No, wait, wait! Just because he played an over-the-top role in some other movies, doesn't mean he'll be over-the-top here! LOOK! Look at this heart-breaking drama. Duke: Satine will be mine. It's not that I'm a jealous man. I JUST DON'T... LIKE OTHER PEOPLE TOUCHING MY THINGS!!! NC: ...You can have him. (tries to leave) Floss: Wait! Wait! NC: Look, I appreciate that you're trying to make me enjoy this movie... Floss: No, you don't. NC: ...You're right, but either way, it's not gonna happen. I'm not gonna like it. Floss: Hmm. With a mind as cynical as yours, perhaps what we need is a mind even MORE cynical to combat it! (waves hands) Flibberyflabefoo! NC: Look, I appreciate what you're trying to do, but...wait a minute, this looks familiar...Oh, no! NC: Nostalgia Chick, you actually like this movie? Nostalgia Chick: I'm sorry, Critic, I have no choice. Nella and Elisa: No choice! Chick: It's had far too big an impact on singing in movies. Nella and Elisa: Movies! Chick: And besides, it brought back the cinematic musical. Nella and Elisa: ...Ical! NC: What are you doing dressed up like that, anyway? Chick: Oh, we do this every third Thursday of the month. It's our Moulin Rouge slumber party. Nella and Elisa: Boa Fight! (giggle as they flog each other with boas) NC: Okay, I refuse to believe you can find anything good in this flick! Chick: Oh, it has its flaws. Its major...major flaws. But, uh...it's still really good! Nella and Elisa: Ly good! Chick: Enough! Floss: Come on, Critic! The water in the we-likey-Moulin Rouge pool is fine! NC: Okay, but if we're gonna talk about this, can we do it in a better location? I feel like I'm at the beginning of a very bizarre porno. Floss: Absolutely! (snaps his fingers) Floss: Oh, I seem to have warped us to some convention of some kind. (snaps his fingers) Floss: Oh, we seem to be in Disney World for some reason. (snaps his fingers) Floss:That's Honolulu... (snaps his fingers) Floss: That's classified... (snaps his fingers) Floss: That's the future... (snaps his fingers) Floss: That's two minutes ago... (snaps his fingers) Floss: That's Spoony's house... (snaps his fingers) Floss: Oh, this seems to be my place. Well, haha. (moves to snap his fingers but the other two hold him back) NC: No no! It's good! It's good! We'll stay! Chick: We're cool! We're cool. NC: Okay, so you guys are trying to tell me that this is a good movie. Well, tell me: what's a scene like this doing in a good movie? NC: (VO) It's where Satine is trying to hide Christian from the Duke while also trying to seduce him. At least I think that's what this is. Satine: DO! WO! I feel like dancing! (dances around making loud bird noises as "Oscar Nominated Performance" is displayed) NC: You're telling me that you would actually do the Woody Woodpecker routine to get a guy? Chick: (sheepishly) Of...of course not...that's... NC: (deadpan) Where and when? Chick:(in video) Oh, you make me feel like dancing! Nella: Dancing, yes, dancing! Chick: (to Nella) Quit it! Nella: Look at her great personality! Chick: God, you're failing! Nella: I'm trying to make it look good! Chick: Shut up! Todd: (sighs) I really need to stop opening attachments from her. Chick: HE'S NEVER GONNA WANT ME!! Floss: (VO) So, despite Satine brilliantly distracting him... Floss: You have your version. I have mine. Floss: (VO) ...The Duke suddenly comes across Christian. Satine: Ah, yes, we were...we were rehearsing. Duke: (laughs mockingly) You expect me to believe that scantily clad, in the arms of another man, in the middle of the night, inside an ELEPHANT, you were rehearsing?! NC: I mean, if it was a giraffe maybe, but AN ELEPHANT?! Toulouse: How's the rehearsal going? Chick: (VO) But luckily, the rest of the theater group drops in to help with the charade. Duke: What's the story? Zidler: Story? Duke: Well, if I'm going to invest, I need to know the story. Zidler: Well, the story's about... NC: (sarcastically) Gee, could it be about love? Christian: It's about love! Floss: Well, how on Earth did you guess that? Floss: Well, I see your point. Perhaps they... Floss: Yes, that word is a bit overused, but maybe they needed... Floss: Well, maybe... Floss: OKAY, SHUT UP!!! (the other two stare at him) Please. Chick: (VO) I'll admit, as much as they talk about love in this movie, they never really explain what it is. We just know that it's really, really good and everybody wants it. NC: (VO) Yeah, they just say the word over and over more than they actually do analyze it. Chick: (VO) And the only people who understand it are good and the only people who don't understand it are bad. Christian: It's about love! Duke: Love? NC: (as Duke) Ah, yes, that "human" emotion I've heard so much about! Christian, Satine, Zidler, and crew: (singing to Offenbach's Can Can) So exciting, the audience will stomp and cheer!/So delighting, it will run for 50 years! Floss: (VO) But, hey, the Duke decides he wants to fund their show if it means getting into Satine's satins. That means they're going to turn their bordello into a THEATER! NC: (VO) I still don't get how they couldn't have the funding to do that before. I just don't... Floss: (VO) But, OH, NO! He's holding the deed of the Moulin Rouge, too! Chick: (VO) That seems like bad planning. Duke: Naturally I shall require some security. I shall require the deeds to the Moulin Rouge. Floss: But, hey, wouldn't you trust a guy who literally seconds before signing a contract did this? Duke: I JUST DON'T LIKE OTHER PEOPLE TOUCHING MY THINGS!!! NC: ...Maybe if I had my brain lobotomized with a spork! Floss: Well, there you go! NC: (VO) So Satine and Christian talk a little bit about love. Again, not as much what it is or how it works, but just how gosh darn awesome it is! Christian: (singing) I was made for lovin' you, baby/You were made for lovin' me. Christian: (singing) Just one night/Just one night. Satine: (singing) There's no way, 'cause you can't pay... Christian: (singing) In the name of love... Satine: (singing): I won't give in to you. Christian: (singing) Don't...leave me this way. NC: (VO) Boy, this must have been the fucking easiest screenplay to write. Just let your mix CD get jumbled into your CD player, and write down whatever lyrics you can make out. Floss: (VO) That, or put five dollars into the jukebox and write down only the main choruses you hear. Floss: Oh, that's right. I got a screenplay. Satine: I can't fall in love with anyone. Christian: A life without love, that's terrible! Satine: No, being on the street, that's terrible. NC: (VO) So Satine confesses to Christian that she isn't exactly in love with him. Her mind is far too preoccupied with her goals to ever let such a silly idea get in the way... Chick: (VO) But then he sings a Whitney Houston song! She's total putty in his pants. Floss: Whitney Houston? NC: Does that work? Chick: Pants putty. (NC and Floss think to themselves.) Christian and Satine: (singing) I can't help loving... Satine: You're going to be bad for business. I can tell. (they kiss) Chick: (VO) So despite the fact that she falls in love faster than a Disney princess, Satine still acts like she's interested in the Duke, despite the fact that they try to avoid him at every chance they get. NC: (VO) Now, why is this a big deal? She's prostituted herself for years and now she suddenly can't sleep with this guy because she has the hots for Trainspotting here? Floss: Don't you see? She's in love now! NC: Yeah, but it happened in, like, a millisecond! That only happens in animated features and fairy tales! NC: Shut up. I like that one. Floss: Haha! A penis! (points at box) Well, just because she's a whore, doesn't mean she's a HORrible person. Chick: (VO) But it's true. These quick romances do come mostly from children's stories, and that confuses things a bit when you see scenes that have the dancers bending over or going down on somebody. And for someone like Satine who was so gung ho about not falling in love, she turned over pretty damn quickly. NC: Why are you taking my side? I thought you liked this movie. Chick: Well...look at the remixes they did. Chick: (VO) While I'm not wild about jukebox musicals as a genre, they do sound very nice. And as the film progresses, the editing slows down a bit, too, allowing us to see some of the great sets and the cinematography. Sure the plot and characters can be silly, but it's relatively harmless, right? Floss: See, Critic? There's so much to enjoy! Chick: Besides, it gives us some batshit crazy moments, like this. Zidler: (singing) Like a virgin/Touched for the very first time/Like a viiiiiiirgin/when your heart beats close in time/If you want her love... Dancing waiters:(singing) If you want her love... Zidler: (Singing) Fear is fading fast... Duke:(Singing) Like a virgin/Touched for the very first time/Like a viiiiiiirgin/when your heart beats close in time. Duke: (over last notes of song) Feels so good inside.... NC: So that...was about doing it with a lady, right? Floss: Possibly. Chick: Probably. Floss: (VO) But they quickly discover they can't hide from the Duke anymore. Satine has to finally sleep with him. In order for the deal to go down, she has to go down. But Christian sings her a song to remind her of his love while looking over the city. NC: (VO) Yeah, what is this, like, the third time they've done that? Floss: (VO) Fourth. However, the Duke is given the hint that Satine and Christian have been seeing each other all along. Nini Legs-in-the-Air: (to Duke) This ending's silly. Why would the courtesan go for the penniless writer. Whoops...I mean sitar player. NC: ...Who was that?! Chick: I don't know. NC: Was she a main character? Chick: I don't know. NC: A side character? Chick: I don't know! NC: Does she even have a name? Floss: Of course she has a name! Do you think they'd let a character reveal such a huge plot device if she didn't have a name? NC: Okay. What is it? Floss: Uh...AHEMbellin. Besides, we do see her before. Like there (points to her in a musical number) and there (points to reaction shot) and there. (points to her barely visible in a crowd) NC: Yeah, but does she ever say any lines? Floss: Uh, a few. NC: Well, do any of them connect with why she wouldn't want Satine and Christian to get together? Floss: Uh...look at the dance sequences! NC: COME OFF IT, FLOSS! You know this is horribly put together! Floss: No, it wasn't! It makes about as much sense as the fact that Christian is sad because he didn't realize that being with a prostitute would mean she'd be sleeping with other people! (normal voice as aside) God, I'm bad at this. Chick: (VO) So Satine finally goes to give herself to the Duke. Christian waits in the shadows while the theater crew puts on one of the most conveniently coincidental dance numbers they could muster up. NC: Oh, no, this scene... Floss: What about it? NC: ...Nothing! It...it sucks. Argentinean: Where love is for the highest bidder, there can be no trust! Without trust, there is no love! Floss: You like this scene. NC: I do not! It...it's stupid! Argentinean: (singing) Roxanne/You don't have to put on that red light. Chick: Admit it, Critic. Even you can't deny how earth-shatteringly awesome this sequence is. Floss: The music, the pacing, the editing, it's just a goddamn cool scene. NC: No, no, it's stupid! This movie is stupid! Everything in it is stupid! Phelous: No, Critic, no! You have to acknowledge the coolness of the scene! (NC gets up and walks outside) With the scene, there is the love! With the love, there is the enjoyment! With the love, there is the lovelovelovelovelovelove! But its pretentiousness will drive you mad! (singing as Floss and Nostaliga Chick tango)Pretense!They just cover pop songs elaborately!It makes no senseHow they take it so damn seriously!So proud of the way they rip songs apartBut a new coat of paint doesn't make it art!Pretense! NC: (singing)Though in my heart I know it's asinineI respect the production designElements so diverseAll the hours of rehearsal you can tellNot to mention the visionto believe it would turn out well! Phelous: (singing as Floss and Nostalgia Chick dance and later get caught taking a break)Pretense!YouTube is where mash-up videos belong!Pretense!Otherwise just write your own damn songs!So proud of the way they botch classic rock!Ugh! These creative thieves can all suck on my... Chick: (singing)There's no shameIn liking something lame.A rose by any other nameis what it isAnd if you like it that's okay. Oancitizen: Hey, guys, what's up? NC: (awkwardly) Kyle from Brows Held High...Hi... Oancitizen: Whatcha doin'? NC: (awkwardly) Oh...nothing...nothing. Oancitizen: Well, sure there is. You guys are together and...singing. NC:(as the other two look around nervously) Ummm... Oancitizen: Without me. NC: It's nothing personal, Kyle. It's just uh... Oancitizen: You know that I did the first musical review on this site, right? Brows Held High: The Man Who Fell to Earth. Um, Miss Ellis, you were in it, weren't you? Chick: Hey, I put you in my Les Mis thing. I didn't even know who the hell you were! Oancitizen: And you didn't think to include me in your little crossover. Oancitizen: THIS GUN DOESN'T WORK!!! Oancitizen: FUCK!!! NC: Oh, get over it! Oancitizen: Okay. (gets up and walks away as if nothing happened) Floss: (VO) So the Duke finds out that she can't fully give herself to him because of Christian. Before he kicks the living shatine out of her, one of the theater crew comes out and saves her. NC: (VO) So naturally, the Duke would want to go after the guy who knocked him out, right? Chick: (VO) Actually, no, because he had even less lines than the exposition fairy. So the Duke decides to keep his focus on Christian. Duke: She will come to me when the curtain falls...or I'll have the boy killed. Zidler: Killed? NC: (VO) Wow! Now we're going into cold-blooded murder? NC: Well, obviously, Zidler should get out of this totally insane business deal with this guy. Zidler: (to Satine) Unless you do his ending and sleep with him tomorrow night, the Duke will have Christian killed. NC: Jesus! I never knew the theater world was so cutthroat. Chick: More than you'll ever know. (starts sobbing) Floss: Spamalot had to kill five families in order to get off the ground. NC: ...When will Broadway learn? (all three stare at the camera) Chick: (VO) But she finds out some more bad news. Apparently, the doctor was nice enough to tell everybody but Satine that she's dying from consumption, which, for some reason, means that she can't leave and run off with Christian. NC: (VO) Well, obviously then, she has to tell Christian what's going on so they can figure out a plan together to stop this madman from doing any more crazy things... NC: ...and that's not remotely what happens, is it? (all three shake their heads). Floss: (VO) No. The obvious thing to do is not to tell Christian about any of this. Pretend she doesn't love him anymore, and totally break his heart, while spending the last of her days in a loveless relationship, knowing she's crushed the only man she cared about. Zidler: Use your talent to save him! Hurt him to save him. NC: (VO) THAT'S THE DUMBEST THING I EVER HEARD! All she has to do is tell him the truth and figure out a plan together! How the hell is she saving his life if she's destroying him psychologically? What's worse: dying with the one you love or being emotionally assassinated by that same person?! Zidler: (singing) The show must go on!/The show must go on! Satine: (singing) On with the show! Zidler: On with the show! NC: (VO) Hell, even if she told the Duke she was dying, that would probably turn him off! Chick: (VO as Satine) I'm dying. NC: (VO as Duke) Ew! Keep that lousy deed! I'm not into necrophilia! (walks out door) NC: (VO) It makes no sense! Floss: Well, of course it doesn't make any sense! Love doesn't make any sense! Seeing it in a movie doesn't make any sense! You, me, love, life, it doesn't make any sense.(starts hyperventilating) NC: Floss, calm down! Floss: (back to normal voice for the rest of the review) No, you're right! (rips off his moustache and hat) Nothing about this movie adds up! None of it! So, I'm just going to do what this movie taught me to do when nothing adds up, which is sing a song with the word "love" in it! All you need is LOVE! Mama, I just killed a LOVE! Put a gun against his LOVE! Pulled my trigger, now he's LOVE! I'm a little teapot short and LOVE LOVELOVELOVELOVELOVELOVELOVE...love...lo... (puts his face in his hands) Chick: Feel better? Floss: NOOOOO! NC: (VO) So Satine's breakup with Christian is about as convincing as Edward's breakup with Bella, but thankfully, Christian is about as smart as Bella, so he completely falls for it. Christian: SATIIIIINE!!! SATIIIIINE!!! Stanley: Hey, STEEEEEEELLAAAAA!!! NC:(VO) Yeah. Just remember in all those years of heavy drinking and suicidal tendencies, that she saved your life. Floss: (VO) But Christian isn't done yet. Because he was so emotionally destroyed by the breakup, he goes back to Satine during the big show and tells her how he really feels. Christian: I've come to pay my bill. You made me believe you loved me! Why shouldn't I pay you? Floss: Nostalgia Chick, you okay? Chick: Fine. I'm fine. Christian: WHY CAN'T I PAY YOU LIKE EVERYONE ELSE DOES?! Satine: No, Christian, there's no point. Floss: Seriously, you don't look so good. Chick: I'm fine, dammit! Fine. Christian: (to audience) This woman is yours now. [drops money in front of Satine] I've paid my whore! (to Satine) And you are nothing to me. NC: [Smiling] Admit it, Chick. There's something you really hate about this scene, isn't there? It isn't just silly and stupid like the other scenes. There's something you REALLY DESPISE! Floss: No, there isn't. NC: What is it about this movie that drives you absolutely INSAAAAANE? Chick: CHRISTIAN IS A COMPLETE TWAT! NC and Floss: [Stunned] Christian's a twat? Chick: Yeah! Chick: (VO) Truly in love? That's such bullshit! (mocking) Oh, all you need is love lovelovelovelove...Who treated anyone that they truly loved this way? Why would you slutshame her in front of an entire audience of people? Who calls that love? That's not love, that's bitterness! NC: (VO) Well, because she lied to him, and he thought she was playing him the whole time. Floss: (VO) Yeah, I thought you'd be more pissed at her than him. Chick: (VO) Oh, sure, her actions are abjectly stupid and she's the victim of bad, stupid writing. But him? He's just despicable! He's evil! For as many times as he sings about LOOOOVE, he treats her in the most insulting, dirty, mean-spirited way that you can treat a human being. And the dwarf's over here like, "Oh, she wouldn't do that!" and yet him, the one that's in love with her can't figure this out? "Oh yeah, love! I forgot about that! That's right! I'M SORR...you know what, I'm not even sorry, but we're still in love. SO LET'S SING ABOUT IT! In front of everyone and everything's okay! Oh, wait, you're dead. Awww." How would you feel if your loved one had some stupid misunderstanding that sprung from bad writing and then threw out all of their negative, horrible bile in one fell swoop...IN FRONT OF EVERYBODY?! Offscreen Female: Oh, sorry. You know what? Maybe I overreacted. My bad. You wanna sing? NC: (VO) So just as Christian gets done calling her every word for "whore" in the English language, the dwarf suddenly drops down and--what a shock--quotes more songs. Toulouse: THE GREATEST THING YOU'LL EVER LEARN IS JUST TO LOVE AND BE LOVED... Satine: (singing) Listen to my heart/Can you hear it sing? Christian: (singing while walking back toward her) Come what may... NC: (VO) So the whore he said he would never be manipulated by is now letting himself be manipulated by, it just so happens that she's telling the truth? Chick: (VO) Singing fixes everything! Fuck this movie! Floss: (VO) But, luckily, the henchman gets knocked out and the gun is flung into the audience. Christian and Satine: (singing) I will love you/till my dy... Duke: My way! My way! Seagulls: Mine mine mine mine mine! Duke: MY WAAAAAAAY!!! NC: (VO) And there goes the deed to the place! I hope you enjoyed the Moulin Rouge, folks, because come noon tomorrow, it's gonna be turned into a parking lot...for carriage horses. NC: (VO) Or he just walks away quietly. Um...wasn't this the same guy who said... Duke: I JUST DON'T LIKE OTHER PEOPLE TOUCHING MY THINGS!!! NC: (VO) Yeah. I guess having a million people touch your things, take your money, and punch you in the face wouldn't get me too cheesed off either. Chick: (VO) Well, he's certainly taking it better than... Christian: I've paid my whore! Floss: Let it go! Hey. Let it go. NC: (VO) But, just as they said earlier, Satine's consumption catches up with her and claims her life. Christian: (crying) AHHH HA HA HA HA HA HA! NC: (VO) Yeah, I guess it is kinda funny. And thus, only Christian is fit enough to tell the tale by pinning all the pages on his wall, because...that's what poets do, and turn the story into a cohesive whole. Chick: (VO) Never realizing that he himself is a...cohesive hole. NC: There! After all that bullcrap, all that stupidity, are you seriously telling me that you two still like this movie? Floss and Chick: Yep. NC: Yep? WHAT DO YOU MEAN "YEP"?! ALL YOU DID WAS TALK ABOUT HOW HORRIBLE IT WAS! Floss: Well, it is horrible, Critic. It's godawful. Chick: We still enjoy it. Part...some of it. Parts of...ASPECTS of it. NC: But why? How? Floss:(singing)In every heart, there lies a placeAll across the human race Chick: (singing)Beneath a veil of fear and prideGuilty pleasures lie inside. Floss: (singing)Things that make our heart take wingSometimes they're embarrassing.Against their sway, we have no powers Floss and Chick: (singing)And Moulin Rouge is one of ours. Guilty pleasures!Everybody has a few!Guilty pleasures!You and me and even you!Guilty pleasures!Contradict your sense of taste!Guilty pleasures!They can only be embraced! Floss: (singing)The fireman who loves ballet. Chick: (singing)The model who loves anime. Floss and Chick: (singing)We all have a stupid songThat always makes us sing along!So reconcile inside your mindOur love for Moulin Rouge is blind.Yes, it's dumbYes, it's gayBut we love it anyway! Guilty pleasures!Everybody has a few!Guilty pleasures!You and me and even you!Guilty pleasures!Surely, even you have some!Guilty pleasures!Love them even though they're dumb! NC: I think I get it!(singing)Like how I enjoy Rocky IVThough the writing's very poor.Ninja Turtles, Commando,X-Men 3 Floss and Chick: Oh, Jesus, no! NC:(singing)Cool Runnings and Batman 2Judge DreddFloss: Hey, I like that, too! NC: (singing)Even Jason Goes to HellParanoia Cinema Snob: What the hell?! NC, Floss, and Chick: (singing)Guilty pleasures!They're the best at any time!Guilty pleasures!You have yours and I have mine!Guilty pleasures!Moulin Rouge is full of shitGuilty pleasures!but we won't stop loving it! NC: Well, thanks, guys! You've shown me that guilty pleasures really are something to enjoy. Though...this is a Moulin Rouge review. We can't end on a happy note. Chick: Right. We need a sad ending for no reason other than we need a sad ending. Floss: HOHO! (puts his mustache back on and collapses) NC: (kneeling over Floss and sobbing) Brental...Brentalfloss, no! Ah! Brentalfloss, no! NC: (thinking, lethargic and depressed) Another movie. Another mindless flick that sucks dicks from Netflix. It makes me sick.(singing)On and onI'm sick of moping, doping, and complainingWell...not complaining butI think I'm done.On and onSo I killed Floss just for a sad ending.(shot of Floss looking angry in heaven)For a film I'm resenting The review must go on!The review must go on!The joke's gone on too long!No more prententious songsAbout love or destiny! The review must go on!The review must go on! Chick: (singing)I don't know why I'm still here.I'm simply killing time here.Maybe I'll get a sandwitch from Subway. NC: (singing)The review must go on!The review must go on! Chick: (singing)A BLT Elisa: (singing)Or ham and cheese Nella: (singing)Perhaps for dessert, Dairy Queen. NC: (singing)I'm done with these songs. They're all wrong.Not even gonna rhyme this last line. Chick: (singing)Although you sort of did. NC: (singing)Yes, that's true.Chick: (singing)And we're rhyming this one, too. NC: (singing)That is also true. Chick: (singing)Think I'll watch Scooby-Doo. NC: (singing)Oh, Jesus, shut up, you!I've got some bitching to do. Chick: (singing)So what else is new? NC: Okay, we're getting to a close now! NC, Chick, Nella, and Elisa: (singing)The review must go ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo NC: (Singing) oooooooooooooooooooooooo(is shot)AH! Floss: Ungrateful jackass! Linkara: (singing)He hated it.Berated it.For causing so much misery. Chester: I didn't even get a line! Ending tagline: Duke: I JUST DON'T LIKE OTHER PEOPLE TOUCHING MY THINGS!!!
- Moulin Rouge es una canción cantada por Sanji.
- Moulin Rouge is a song sung by Sanji.
- Moulin Rouge (1952) is a film set in Paris in the late nineteenth century, following artist Henri de Toulouse-Lautrec in the city's bohemian sub-culture in and around the burlesque palace, the Moulin Rouge. The movie was directed by John Huston and released by United Artists. It is based on the novel Moulin Rouge (1950) by Pierre La Mure. In the film, José Ferrer plays both Henri and his father, the Comte Alphonse de Toulouse-Lautrec. To transform Ferrer into Lautrec required the use of platforms and concealed pits as well as special camera angles, makeup and costumes. Short body doubles were also used and, in addition, Ferrer used a set of knee-pads of his own design which allowed him to walk on his knees with his lower legs strapped to his upper body (an experience which must no doubt have been painful). He received high praise not only for his performance, but for his willingness to have his legs strapped in such a manner simply to play a role. Taken from the Wikipedia article on Moulin Rouge.
- thumb|300px|Pocztówka reklamująca restaurację [[Plik:Kantaka_-_PRL.jpg|thumb|300px|Neonowy młyn - szyld restauracji Moulin Rouge]]thumb|300px|Czerwony wiatrak nad Mulinką w powojennym PoznaniuW międzywojennym Poznaniu, przy ulicy Kantaka 8/9 mieściło się Moulin Rouge. Popularny kabaret nazywany zdrobniale Mulinka. Nad wejściem, podobnie jak nad francuskim orginałem, wisiał szyld - czerwony młyn.
- Moulin Rouge! is a 2001 musical film, directed by Baz Luhrmann and starring Ewan McGregor and Nicole Kidman. The story is told through flashbacks from the point of view of Christian James (McGregor), a young Englishman writing the story of his doomed affair with the star of the eponymous Parisian nightclub. Flashback to 1899 where Christian, an earnest young poet, has left his Victorian London home and his overbearing father in order to live an intellectual life amongst the Bohemian revolutionaries of Paris's bawdy, colorful Montmartre district. Soon after his arrival, an unconscious Argentinean falls through his roof, quickly followed by a dwarf dressed as a nun...or, as he introduces himself, Henri Marie Raymond de Toulouse-Lautrec Montfa, painter, actor, and Bohemian revolutionary extraordinaire. He, along with the Argentinean (narcoleptic, as it turns out) and the rest of their theatre troupe are in the flat above, rehearsing their musical spectacle which will, of course, revolutionize the artistic world as they know it--provided, of course, that they receive the patronage of Harold Zidler, owner of the Moulin Rouge, the hottest nightclub-slash-brothel in Paris. The Moulin is soon to be converted into a theatre in order to launch a new career for Zidler's "Sparkling Diamond", Satine (Kidman), the club's highest-paid courtesan and star attraction. Zidler, in turn, is relying on the patronage of the odious Duke++ (Richard Roxburgh) whose only condition in signing away the fortune it will take to convert the Moulin into a theatre is that Satine become his mistress. The Duke gets his courtesan, Zidler gets his theatre, and Satine gets the acting career she's always dreamt of; it's a perfect set-up, which is why it will go horribly, inevitably wrong. Christian wins over the Bohemians and--after their original librettist storms out in a jealous rage--is put in charge of writing the show, titled, deceptively simply, Spectacular Spectacular!. To celebrate, they take him out to the Moulin Rouge, on, as it happens, the same night of the Duke's introduction (and first scheduled rendezvous) with Satine. There is an interesting misunderstanding, but Christian's fundamental innocence and the power of his (well, Elton John's) words win her over, leaving her as starry-eyed with him as he is with her--until, of course, it is revealed that he isn't actually the Duke. As the months pass--as the Moulin becomes a theatre and the show comes together--it becomes increasingly evident that their mutual attraction is too strong to ignore. However, the Duke is far less buffoonish than he appears, and if he is crossed, in love or otherwise, there's no telling what lengths he'll go to to keep the new lovers apart... The film is a wild mishmash of genres, kinetic editing and atmosphere, often compared to a Music Video for its use of Jittercam. It is also composed almost exclusively of Cover Versions of songs, though most of them have been rewritten into new styles. Madonna's Like A Virgin becomes a Busby Berkeley Number, for instance, and the film contains only one song which the audience has never heard before (which, in fact, was originally intended for Luhrmann's William Shakespeare's Romeo + Juliet). It is also one of the most sustained examples of Mood Whiplash in recent history: the bleak Framing Device of Christian at his typewriter switches quickly into a vibrant, almost cartoonish comedy before the inevitable spiral towards the Bittersweet Ending / Downer Ending. Finally, it was the first musical to gain any sort of widespread popularity for a couple decades, and has helped launch the recent revival of the genre. Another film (a Best Picture-nominated Biopic) of the same name (and without the exclamation point) was released in 1952, starring José Ferrer and Zsa Zsa Gabor, which is less acid sequence and more Tragic Hero, showing the life and work of Toulouse-Lautrec in fin de siècle Paris, and the love he tries to find.
- thumb|260pxMoulin Rouge! (Moulin Rouge en España y Moulin Rouge: Amor en Rojo en México) es una película musical de 2001, dirigida por el australiano Baz Luhrmann, interpretada por Nicole Kidman y Ewan McGregor y considerada uno de los mejores musicales de la historia del cine; un clásico contemporáneo. Está basada en gran parte en la ópera de Giuseppe Verdi La Traviata, así como en la novela La dama de las camelias del escritor francés Alejandro Dumas (hijo). La cinta participó en la selección oficial del Festival de Cannes de 2001.
- Moulin Rouge is an inn on Cochineal Island on the Meridian Ocean. Prior to the ocean merge in early 2012, the building was located on the Viridian Ocean.
- The virtual version of the Moulin Rouge is located in the upper-right corner of HKO's Paris, close to the north-east exit. It is locked and again you will have to find the key first to be able to enter. The pink lamb Piano is sleeping in there and will send you on a dangerous journey after you wake her up. The Moulin Rouge ("red mill") is a cabaret-building. It was built by Joseph Oller in 1889. It is located in the Paris red-light district of Pigalle and marked by a red windmill on its roof. It is the "birthplace" of the can-can dance, but offers many more musical dance entertainment forms until today, also acrobatical dances and cabarets of course. There are a couple of films about the Moulin Rouge, as many famous artists have performed there. Édith Piaf, Josephine Baker, Frank Sinatra, Ella Fitzgerald, Liza Minelli, Elton John and so on. The Moulin Rouge was also featured in some paintings of Toulouse-Lautrec. Melody could be found within Moulin Rouge in 2008, but not anymore in 2009-2010.
- Moulin Rouge (French for "red mill") is a traditional cabaret, built in 1889 by Joseph Oller who already owned the Paris Olympia. Situated in the red-light district of Pigalle on Boulevard de Clichy in the 18th arrondissement, near Montmartre, Paris, France, it is famous for the large red imitation windmill on its roof. The Moulin Rouge is a symbol of French Culture as well as the Bohemian influence on Western Europe. The building has a rich history that is still being added to today. Over the past hundred years, the Moulin Rouge has remained a popular tourist destination for many visitors each year. Today the Moulin Rouge offers musical dance entertainment for adult visitors from around the world. Much of the romance from turn-of-the-century France is still present in the interior environment. The design and name of Paris's Moulin Rouge has often been imitated by other night clubs worldwide. Notable performers at the Moulin Rouge have included La Toya Jackson, La Goulue, Elvis Presley, Frank Sinatra, Yvette Guilbert, Jane Avril, Mistinguett, Le Pétomane and others. The Moulin Rouge was also the subject of many paintings by post-impressionist painter Toulouse Lautrec who in turn romanticized the building. "Moulin Rouge" was also the title of a book by Pierre La Mure. This book was the basis for the 1952 movie of the same name. It was also the name of the 2001 film staring Jim Broadbent, Ewan McGregor, Nicole Kidman, John Leguizamo and Kylie Minogue.
- La poignée de Moulin rouge est un croix de couleur claire. Ces chakrams sont constitués d'un cercle rouge autour duquel sont positionnées des pointes rouges plus claires, toutes de la même taille, rattachées au cercle par des tiges noires.
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