| abstract | - In order to celebrate the "graduation" of his sons Hank and Dean from high school, Dr. Venture, along with Brock Samson, Sergeant Hatred, Pete White, Billy Quizboy, Dr. Orpheus, Jefferson Twilight and The Alchemist, plans to throw them a budget "homeschool prom." During the preparations, Henchman #21 enters the Venture Compound, intending to bury the skull of Henchman #24, as 24's ghost has been preventing him from masturbating As he buries the skull, Sgt. Hatred and Shore Leave engage in a petty argument over who is the better shot, and Sgt. Hatred accidentally shoots 21 in the chest. Brock, having secured a limo, takes Hank and Dean to pick up their "dates", beginning with Triana Orpheus. While Dean takes pictures with Triana at the home where she lives with The Outrider and her mother Tatyana, her boyfriend Raven (a crippled Edward Cullen parody) appears, sending Dean into a jealous rage. Later, Hank tries to pick up the family's middle-aged mail carrier as his date and fails, and mentions that the Quymn sisters have asked that he stop calling them. The limo happens to pass Dermott, who is stranded on the side of the road, so they pick him up instead. 21 wakes up in SPHINX headquarters with little more than a bad bruise where he was shot, and quickly discovers the unconscious body of Monstroso, revealing to Shore Leave that the Guild has been thrown into an uproar following Monstroso's abduction. Shore Leave elaborates that SPHINX has been using several false Monstrosos to engage in a bluffing game with the OSI, intending to use him to win negotiations with their former employers. Before he can erase 21's memory, though, Shore Leave is alerted to invaders at the front gate of the compound, and summons a small battalion of SPHINX agents to fight them, inviting 21 along to help. Meanwhile, the rest of SPHINX are on a mission led by Colonel Hunter Gathers and Sky Pilot, heading for the flying OSI headquarters. Gathers is escorted to the office of General Treister by Mr. Doe and Mr. Cardholder, but must wrestle with his former boss in order to get any information. Gathers finally pins Treister, winning himself and the other SPHINX members clemency from the OSI's wanted list, but when he reveals that there are apparently moles from the Guild of Calamitous Intent within the OSI, Treister begins convulsing in rage and attacks her along with Doe and Cardholder. Later, when Gathers wakes up in the destroyed office, having been badly beaten, he steps outside and finds Treister encased in foam with his clothes torn up; Treister claims that he is a Hulk. At the Venture Compound, the prom is not going well - Dr. Venture poorly attempts to seduce one of the prostitutes he hired for the evening by offering her a "Rusty Venture," unaware that, according to the Alchemist and Shore Leave, it is a horrific sex act originating in the gay community in the 1980s. Al and Shore Leave debate what kind of act it actually is, eventually calling up Colonel Gentleman and then Watch and Ward for help that neither source can provide. The others around the room begin debating it, and when Triana brings up the definition of it she read on UrbanDictinary.com, Dean flies off the handle and accuses her of performing it with Raven, causing Triana to leave the prom angrily. The Monarch, meanwhile, after catching the Moppets in the act of checking names off of 21's hit list in his "Eye for an I" to determine 24's murderer, learns that 21 has gone to the Venture Compound. Believing that he has gone there on an undercover mission to arch Dr. Venture, he and Dr. Girlfriend infiltrate the Compound themselves. When confronted by Sgt. Hatred, they use Princess Tinyfeet as a hostage, but admit to Hatred that all she ever wanted from him is indulgence of her bondage fetish. Thankful to the Monarch for inadvertently getting his marriage back together, Hatred allows them in as long as they put on formal clothing. Meanwhile, Hank and Dermott determine that they must help Dean get Triana back (though Hank incorrectly believes Raven is a cyborg) and the three leave in order to carry out their plan. Out back, Brock, about to have sex with one of the prostitutes, takes her into the SPHINX base - but he is shot by the one agent left behind to guard Monstroso, revealed to be an undercover Molotov Cocktease. General Treister explains to Colonel Gathers that he has been diagnosed with cancer, and as a result of the chemotherapy, he has begun transforming into a Hulk. Shortly thereafter, while discussing Treister's sad decline with Doe and Cardholder, the two disclose that because the head of the OSI is no longer mentally fit for command, the U.S. government has placed control in their hands - Gathers realizes that they are the Guild moles, but he and Sky Pilot are captured. Not long after, however, Gathers is summoned to the "secret bridge," where a flag-draped General Treister reveals the truth - he is aware that he is not really a Hulk, and furthermore, he knew all along of Doe and Cardholder's treachery. To take them down, Treister had a plant within SPHINX the entire time - Sky Pilot. The "Monstroso" taken to the base was actually a Trojan Horse containing a number of SPHINX agents, whom arrest Doe and Cardholder as they move to assassinate Monstroso and cover their tracks. Explaining that he knows he is dying of his incurable cancer, Treister hands over command of the OSI to Colonel Gathers, then launches himself into space inside a missile, believing that he will be found by aliens who will cure his illness. The Monarch and Dr. Girlfriend meet up with 21, but when he admits that he realizes Dr. Venture is not a bad person, the Monarch accuses him of being drugged. An inebriated 21 snaps and angrily reveals his infatuation with Dr. Girlfriend, even telling the Monarch about their previous amorous encounter, but the Monarch merely laughs it off due to his "swinger" relationship with Dr. Girlfriend's (common among villains) and tells 21 to stop being a crybaby. Having had enough, 21 quits his job as henchman and storms off. Awakening to discover Molotov Cocktease stuffing Monstroso into the back of the limo and fleeing, Brock hijacks the Conjectural Technologies conjecture cycle and engages in an epic high-speed battle with his antagonist and love interest. Finally, Molotov spins out after hitting Brock, stopping with the back half of the limo dangling over the edge of the cliff side highway. Brock sits down on the hood, lights a cigarette, and explains to her that he is tired of chasing her, because she will always be a greedy, cold-blooded mercenary with no sense of loyalty. However, Molotov claims she has changed, and this time her mission is one of love, throwing out her unlocked chastity belt to prove it. Believing that Molotov means she is ready to get serious with him, Brock draws near for a kiss, but she suddenly breaks away. She explains that she is taken now by another man - Monstroso. Enraged, Brock threatens to kill them both, but Molotov goes on to tell him that her Blackhearts are undercover at the Venture prom as the prostitutes, and if she does not call in an abort code for the mission by midnight, they will slaughter all present. Brock threatens that he will instead make Molotov call in the code under the threat of his killing Monstroso, but she simply declares that she would rather die along with her true love, and appears to commit suicide by popping the limo's hood, throwing Brock off and rolling the limo over the cliff. Checking his watch, Brock finds he has only two minutes to stop the Blackhearts and rushes back. He does not make it in time, but the Blackhearts have been drugged and seduced by the effects of Rusty's specially engineered strain of Spanish Fly. As Brock relaxes, however, the women transform into giant mutant flies. Gleefully sensing a bloodbath he hasn't had in some time, Brock draws his knife and rushes in. The missile containing General Treister breaks apart in space, releasing his body, frozen in a salute, with a note reading "FIX IT!" attached to his chest. In the sting Dean, Hank and Dermott's plan comes together - having constructed Triana's name in logs on the Outrider's front lawn, Hank and Dermott told Dean to dress up in gothic clothing. However, Dean took this to mean something "spooky" and arrived with a ghost costume. Realizing it will have to do, Hank and Dermott light up the wood and hide while Dean dons his costume. The fire quickly sparks out, but Dermott left most of the fuel on the "t", causing Dean to appear to be a KKK member engaging in cross burning The Outrider appears and nearly kills him before realizing it's Dean. Calming down , he explains that after Triana came home from the prom (after that argument back there) she apparently went to Raven's house. Understanding what's going on with Dean, he attempts to cheer him up. The Outrider tells him the honest truth that Triana likes Raven and are very happy together, but he tells Dean that if he truly loves Triana, he will let her go and be with Raven, whom she is happy with. To this advice, Dean merely says to the Outrider, "You know what I think?... Fuck you!"
|
