| abstract | - Nicholas Johnson was born in front of the Tower of Pizza on the 16th of December 2989. His parents, H/12456 and H/24536 where robots of metallic origin who worked on a rocket car assembly line. Though his parents where robots, Johnson was human - he later explained that his parents accidentally welded a piece of human tissue during a hot night at the factory. Some claim that Johnson's parents were in fact the piece of human tissue, but Johnson disproved this by showing his robot DNA patterns to the world. Johnson was also born coughing furballs, this was due to past kitten huffing experiences by his parents. Johnson grew rapidly during his toddler years due to the infinite amounts of information his robotic parents gave him. By age two he was swearing and into recreational drugs, though these where linked to the janitor, rather than his parents, who were only into kitten huffing and talked using Microsoft's text-to-speech software. Nicholas attended the International School for the Blind (though he was not blind) for profit reasons, mainly due to the ease a person with 20-20 vision could steal off a blind kid. It was in the 12 years of schooling that he built the foundation for his future ventures, namely $55,739, which was change pocketed during his school years. During his schooling no one found it suspicious that he was able to read off the black board or tell if the teacher was running around naked with his pelvis thrusting at the other kids, Nicholas later called his teachers and fellow students "morons" which at the time meant a brand of fabric softener. Nicholas Johnson graduated from ISB and then went to Clown College to pursue a degree in Antidisestablishmentarianism. Through persistence he conquered the challenges of the coarse (which included spelling of said coarse) and graduated with honors that Mr. T would be proud of. At age 23 he traveled the world with friends on a bus tour, during this time he began wondering how long it would take to get from one destination to another, which lead him to create the Infinite Paradox Theory.
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