| abstract | - Quaker death squads operate as a secret police within the British Empire, and use an ancient martial art that evolved from DDR or was that the Nazis or some other German totalitarian state? Whatever. Quakers tend to "shake", "rattle," and "roll" like any Holy Rollers. In fact, most scientists compare their experiences with that of Alzheimer's and Parkinson's disease patients or epileptics. In the 1990s, The Society started a media campaign to brainwash the world by filming the lives of some simple New York-based Quakers. After the pilot aired and the network ordered a full season, its title, "A humorless study of the Religious Society of Friends" was shortened to Friends. It was a great commercial success, despite being crap. An important part of the Quaker society is oatmeal. Not only do Quakers eat, produce, and sell oatmeal, it has become a big part of their lives. A popular Quaker pickup line is, "I like your oats." This means either that the person literally likes the other person's oats that are there in front of them, or that they want to hump them. The latter refers to the sowing of "wild oats," that is, semen. This come-on phrase is only to be used by true Quakers.
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