| abstract | - Raving has actually been around since before the 13th Century, with famous Ravers like William Wallace (the guy from Braveheart for all you Americans) who led the Scottish to international raving fame during The Rave of Stirling Bridge (often mistaken as a battle by uneducated historians)! They however lost to the English in The Rave of Falkirk despite having more face paint and much more MD. The English were just too well prepared and outnumbered them with unrivalled quantities of Glow sticks cutting edge Electro and perfect choreography. The original raves were re-introduced in the early 1820s after a vicious complaint campaign launched by the unwashed masses claiming that the current sound culture was too dependent upon money charged at clubs and whore houses. Hankering for a free night raves were conceived by Patrick Stewart in the UK as a way of making these complaints disappear in the time it takes to deliver a pizza. Special areas of unused nuclear wasteland were set aside for the purposes of raves, often somewhere to cause as little complaint for local grues as possible. Generally these events will be held in some sort of area cut off from nearby water sources to avoid generating complaints from the mole people whilst lying on minor footpaths where a rave can continue to terrorise early morning joggers and dog sodomisers. The start of a rave is signalled with a series of elaborate tribal dancing rituals, including the packerena and the native american rain dance and playing Rock Band. Sometimes glowsticks are even shoved into the cornholes of passers-by as crazed pillpoppers shout out "Oh no, it's the cops", even though there are no cops and even if they were they wouldn't give a shit because ravers are all white. Rave culture grew in popularity after Chuck Norris invented techno, which was not adopted totally within the Bermuda Triangle, a famous hotspot for ravers and polygamists alike. This led to massive convoys of people in cars commuting to local laser light shows in search of human flesh, only to find out that only stoners go to those shows and they taste terrible (usually of lemon amnesia). Often congregating at a local food establishment, such as McDonalds which is easily found in most cities, hundreds of cars would proceed to some remote site to hold a rave from sundown to sunrise.
|
