| abstract | - The navigator and explorer Captain James T. Kirk first sighted Mankini Atoll in 1845 following a navigation error by Mr Checkov. He named the atoll "Mommy", after his father. On independence from Monaco the native population held a ballot and chose the name Mankini from a list including “Islands of the Mega-dudes” and the “Please God, Help Us” Islands. Preceding the nuclear tests, the indigenous population was told that there would be a light-show, invited to breathe in as much of the “funny, glowing moon dust” as possible and given a copy of the book “101 tasty bites to make with fall-out” by Jamie Oliver. Government representatives from UK have since expressed their sympathy for the plight of the Mankini people but have denied any link between chronic health problems and exposure to radioactive particles. Representatives of the other nuclear-testing nations to have made use of Mankini (USA, France, Zimbabwe) have backed UK denials and issued further statements in which Mankini has been told that “the Easter Island bunny was working with Santa" to solve their problems (France), annually awarded 12.5 million health-promoting, high tar cigarettes (USA), and to expect veterans organizations to confiscate their remaining farms (Zimbabwe).
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