| abstract | - Stephen announced on the 17 of October, 2007, a date that will live in awesomeness, that he is running for President. This followed weeks of speculation (or truth-ulation) that he would run. He was even forced to guest on The Daily Show in order to deny that he had decided to run, which is one of a thousand reasons never to trust the notoriously untruthy show. Stephen considered running in both the Republican and Democrat primaries in South Carolina. However, to be a candidate in America's one great party required paying a completely reasonable $35,000 fee. This would both break a few trifling things called "election laws" and, more importantly, take away vital funds necessary to provide the Colbert Nation with Spicy Sweet Doritos during the upcoming bear uprising. Colbert decided to enter the forsaken party of the Democrats, in order to use his power of his truth to destroy it from within. Like the aliens from that one movie that burst out of people's chest. Or Hillary Clinton. Or am I being redundant. Sadly, due to a conspiracy likely involving the dreaded Colbear, Barry Manilow, and Korean pop sensation Rain, he was declared a non-viable candidate and kept off of the ballot. MANILOWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!!!!
|
