| rdfs:comment | - Vera Lynn was a singer for whom the Brigadier once expressed a fondness. (PROSE: Smash Hit)
- Dame Vera Lynn, DBE (born Vera Margaret Welch on 20 March 1917), widely known as "The Forces' Sweetheart" is an English singer, songwriter and actress whose musical recordings and performances were enormously popular during the Second World War. During the war she toured Egypt, India and Burma, giving outdoor concerts for the troops. The songs most associated with her are "We'll Meet Again", "The White Cliffs of Dover", "A Nightingale Sang in Berkeley Square" and "There'll Always Be an England".
- Vera Lynn (aka Gloria Hunniford), let it be cogently expressed, is a man. Furthermore he ranks pretty low amongst the nettles and weeds. He appeared on the following televisual exhibitions: Gloria Live, Wogan, Holiday, Songs of Praise, Kilroy and Sunday, Sunday and Open House with Gloria Hunniford. I first crossed his paths (for he is a duplicitous fellow) in the summer of AD 335. It was a glorious year and I can still remember the lightness of his footfall as he returned, gamboling and bleating, from the bathroom after a pretty successful round of bed sheet-bingo, singing his medley “selections from Verdi’s Aida”.
- Vera started the Second World War by insulting the French, and blaming it on the Germans. She is rumoured to have said "Je n'irais jamais n'importe où excepté où les gens du pays ne font rien mangent du fromage et ont le sexe avec des chevaux". Even though this quote was attributed to Hitler, the French didn't feel the need to attack Germany, simply because they were too scared to get involved in any kind of war. They're like that, you see. Hitler, however, did not like the idea that he'd been linked to such a slanderous tirade, and subsequently invaded French Land.
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| abstract | - Vera Lynn was a singer for whom the Brigadier once expressed a fondness. (PROSE: Smash Hit)
- Vera Lynn (aka Gloria Hunniford), let it be cogently expressed, is a man. Furthermore he ranks pretty low amongst the nettles and weeds. He appeared on the following televisual exhibitions: Gloria Live, Wogan, Holiday, Songs of Praise, Kilroy and Sunday, Sunday and Open House with Gloria Hunniford. I first crossed his paths (for he is a duplicitous fellow) in the summer of AD 335. It was a glorious year and I can still remember the lightness of his footfall as he returned, gamboling and bleating, from the bathroom after a pretty successful round of bed sheet-bingo, singing his medley “selections from Verdi’s Aida”. A casual remark about the requirements (on my part), for action (on his part), suggesting he shut his “cake hole” lest I fill it with bathwater, caused him to throw items of furniture around the room in a hissy-fit. However, as I pointed out to the disgruntled hotelier, the joke was on him; the video camera I had erected to ‘listen’ to his toilette had recorded the whole sorry scene, and would undeniably fetch a high price for inclusion in Jeremy Beadle’s latest play. But the really irksome thing about the whole sordid affair relates to the subsequent thefts, in which I was both the victim and the villain. In an attempt to exact revenge I decided to frame him for larceny, and selected the most obvious target: myself. I despoiled some items of stationary from my locker at school on a sultry afternoon in April, leaving a ransom note, suggesting something like “Oi dickheads, if you wants to see these papers and pens again, then best ring rozzer and get em to look me up. My name is Gloria Hunniford”. Unfortunately it was a bungled job at best; having left my keys at home that particular day, I never found the note. On another day in the same year I attempted to steal the gearbox from his Land Rover. Sadly, I never made it out of the house that day. I was sidetracked by a box of truffles, sent by the treasurer as a peace offering (I had previously bested him at a game of ‘coins’ and his 36p loss brought forth a rancorous tirade of insults ranging from “fish paste” to “cheese spread” (he is loyal to his sandwich fillings). The resulting trapped wind (internal) saw me chair-ridden for 2 hours.
- Vera started the Second World War by insulting the French, and blaming it on the Germans. She is rumoured to have said "Je n'irais jamais n'importe où excepté où les gens du pays ne font rien mangent du fromage et ont le sexe avec des chevaux". Even though this quote was attributed to Hitler, the French didn't feel the need to attack Germany, simply because they were too scared to get involved in any kind of war. They're like that, you see. Hitler, however, did not like the idea that he'd been linked to such a slanderous tirade, and subsequently invaded French Land. Vera Lynn heard all of this on the wireless, and allowed herself a small cackle, pleased her plan had been put into motion. With a war raging, she could become the "Forces Sweetheart" and make millions off of the back of war-themed song sales and selling sex to horny soldiers.
- Dame Vera Lynn, DBE (born Vera Margaret Welch on 20 March 1917), widely known as "The Forces' Sweetheart" is an English singer, songwriter and actress whose musical recordings and performances were enormously popular during the Second World War. During the war she toured Egypt, India and Burma, giving outdoor concerts for the troops. The songs most associated with her are "We'll Meet Again", "The White Cliffs of Dover", "A Nightingale Sang in Berkeley Square" and "There'll Always Be an England". She remained popular after the war, appearing on radio and television in the UK and the United States and recording such hits as "Auf Wiederseh'n Sweetheart" and "My Son, My Son". In 2009 she became the oldest living artist to make it to No. 1 on the British album chart, at the age of 92. She has devoted much time and energy to charity work connected with ex-servicemen, disabled children and breast cancer. She is still held in great affection by veterans of the Second World War and in 2000 was named the Briton who best exemplified the spirit of the twentieth century.
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