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  • Are You There, God? It's Me, Dean
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  • The Monarch has at long last somehow captured Team Venture. Bound by ropes, they hang over the Amazon River, into which the Monarch prepares to lower them. He provides a loving description of the candiru (a real fish, despite Dr. Venture's accusations) that populate the waters when suddenly Dean Venture begins to squirm and yelp in extreme pain. Dr. Venture cites a Guild of Calamitous Intent law which states that hostages can be freed when one of them requires serious medical attention. The Monarch complies, but insists upon taking Hank Venture as insurance to ensure Venture's return. Brock Samson accompanies Hank (after initially refusing to go as The Monarch's prisoner, as he "has his orders" as Dr. Venture's bodyguard) to ensure his safety.
Season
  • 1
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dbkwik:adultswim/property/wikiPageUsesTemplate
Editor
  • Doc Hammer
Executive Producer
Series
Runtime
  • 22.0
Producer
  • David Lipson
opentheme
  • "No Vacancy" by J.G. Thirlwell
Airdate
  • 2004-10-02
Caption
  • "It's like you won the genetic freak lottery!"
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Production Number
  • 1
dbkwik:venturebrothers/property/wikiPageUsesTemplate
show name
  • The Venture Bros.
Episode Number
  • 9
Production
  • 1
Episode list
Title
  • Are You There, God? It's Me, Dean
endtheme
  • "Tuff" by J.G. Thirlwell
Episode
  • 9
Episode Name
  • Are You There, God? It's Me, Dean
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Composer
  • J.G. Thirlwell
Rating
  • TV-14
Voices
Writer
Director
abstract
  • The Monarch has at long last somehow captured Team Venture. Bound by ropes, they hang over the Amazon River, into which the Monarch prepares to lower them. He provides a loving description of the candiru (a real fish, despite Dr. Venture's accusations) that populate the waters when suddenly Dean Venture begins to squirm and yelp in extreme pain. Dr. Venture cites a Guild of Calamitous Intent law which states that hostages can be freed when one of them requires serious medical attention. The Monarch complies, but insists upon taking Hank Venture as insurance to ensure Venture's return. Brock Samson accompanies Hank (after initially refusing to go as The Monarch's prisoner, as he "has his orders" as Dr. Venture's bodyguard) to ensure his safety. Dean proves too shy and squeamish to allow Dr. Venture to examine him, so Venture enlists the aid of Master Billy Quizboy and Pete White. They soon conclude that Dean has been afflicted with testicular torsion, and Dean's testicles will die without immediate surgery. Then follows a harrowing sequence where Quizboy and White perform what appears to be a ludicrously haphazard operation: they accidentally drop one testicle on the floor, White skewers Billy's good hand with the scalpel, and both "doctors" take plenty of breaks. Dr. Venture enjoys a nice sandwich and drink as he nonchalantly sits back and watches television. Finally, the surgery is complete. As Dean lies on a couch, his entire crotch wrapped in bandages, he is subjected to a procession of well-wishers. Dr. White gives him an envelope of his pubic hair (which had to be shaved for the surgery, much to Dean's disappointment), H.E.L.P.eR. gives him a melted ice pop, Dr. Orpheus presents him with a decorative fetish statue, and Triana Orpheus merely asks if this is the most embarrassing day of his life. Dean affirms that it is. Meanwhile, the Monarch has been attempting to celebrate his birthday. Bad gifts from his henchmen and the presence of Hank, now wearing a loose-fitting Monarch henchmen suit for lack of clean clothes, threaten to ruin the occasion. Ultimately, Brock gives the Monarch what he really wanted for his birthday: a genuine battle. Brock escapes from his cell and cuts a bloody path through the Monarch's Cocoon base, slaughtering dozens of guards on the way (quite violently, as Henchman 43's tendon is cut in half), while the Monarch ecstatically watches everything via monitors while taunting Brock over the announcement system, and sends henchman to stop him (Henchman 18, Henchman 31, Henchman 38, Henchman 40). Eventually, Brock captures Doctor Girlfriend (who is disappointed in Brock's lack of interest in raping her) and holds her hostage in the Monarch's throne room, demanding Hank in exchange; the Monarch refuses, claiming that Hank has joined forces with him. In the midst of all of this, a call from Dr. Venture comes in on the video screen to announce that Dean is back to normal. The combatants sheepishly attempt to pretend that nothing was going on, despite the plainly visible carnage. Soon it is a repeat of the first scene - the Monarch finally has Team Venture in his grasp, ready to be destroyed. Suddenly Hank begins to squirm and yelp in unbearable pain. The episode ends. At the very end of the show, Team Venture participates in a poorly-made public service announcement called "Get the Facts: Testicular Torsion" which aims to raise awareness of Dean's condition. Their eyes very obviously track across the cue cards as they awkwardly read their lines. The boys, wearing protective helmets, join H.E.L.P.eR. in assuring the viewer that if he suspects that he has testicular torsion, he should "Stop, touch, and tell!"
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