| abstract | - (Sepia comic-art drawing of the original Vault Hunters, Pickle, Tiny Tina, Claptrap, and Athena sitting on the steps of Sanctuary) Claptrap: Ooh! Ooh! Athena! You almost forgot to tell Lilith and everyone the BEST PART of the adventure! Athena: I assure you my report was sufficiently thorough. Claptrap: Nuh-uh! What about the REALLY cool stuff that happened right at the end?! Athena: The end? Claptrap: When Handsome Jack had you all go... inside me! Athena: Oh, that. Ugh. Lilith: Well, Athena, I'm allll ears. Pickle: Athena! Can you tell the story again? I missed it. And can there be even more WHOOSH and BANG and PEW-PEW-PEWS this time around?! Athena: The story is what it is -- I won't add things that didn't happen. Tiny Tina: Yeah, kid! The story's what it is. If you're gonna hang with the grownies you gotta do things our way -- DON'T SIT THERE THAT'S FOR PRINCESS FLUFFYBUTT! Pickle: Uh, how about here? Tiny Tina: Princess Fluffybutt says that's ok. Athena: Okay. You ready? Pickle: As I'll ever be! And remember -- lashings of WHOOSH and BANG and PEW-PEW-PEW! (Handsome Jack is typing in a computer console in his office, with Tassiter lying dead beside him.) Handsome Jack: Oh hey, Harold, uh -- what's with this... secret memo? What's it say here, uh... "Urgent memory retrieval of the FR4G-TP unit", you... sly old fox, you! What do you want with my claptrap unit? Handsome Jack: I'm sorry, what was that? You're gonna have to speak up a little. Handsome Jack: Harold! Let's not fight. What did the therapist say? Handsome Jack: Hnnngh, the H-Source is REAL?! Digital omnipotence, gimme gimme! Handsome Jack: Oh, are you frickin' KIDDING me? You hid it in THERE? How the HELL am I gonna get it out? Y'know what, Harold, leave it with me -- I'll dig into it. Handsome Jack: Hey! Come meet me in my secret lab on Deck 13½. Handsome Jack: Yeah -- weird as it sounds, 13½ is between... decks 13 and 14. It'll make sense. Handsome Jack: I'm still here, still here, still here, still here. Hey. I'm still here. Handsome Jack: Hey, I've got a suuuper cool job for ya, if you're interested. Are ya? Heh, yeah you are. So, the dealio. The H-Source! Mind-melting prototypes, access codes, corporate secrets -- everything a handsome new CEO could ever wish for! God, I NEED IT, I WANT IT, I GOTTA GO GET IT!
* Jack (to human): But, sneaky ol' Tassiter hid it inside my experimental claptrap unit, because... he's a jerk.
* Jack (to Claptrap): But, sneaky ol' Tassiter hid it deep inside YOUR code, because he was a HUGE jerk! Handsome Jack: And what with security protocols and all, I can't goddamn extract it! So pop quiz: why are YOU here? Well, go plug yourself into those digistruct pads, 'cause first off -- I'ma gonna digitize ya!
* Athena (if present): I can do that.
* Wilhelm (if present): Okay.
* Nisha (if present): Yeah, okay.
* Claptrap (if present): Man, I bet I look GOOD in raw code!
* Jack2 (if present): Uh... sure, boss.
* Aurelia (if present): With pleasure.
* Athena (if present): Now what?
* Wilhelm (if present): Now what?
* Nisha (if present): So now what?
* Claptrap (if present): This tickles!
* Jack2 (if present): So, uh, what's next, boss?
* Aurelia (if present): And now? Handsome Jack: This, uh, might hurt. Probably does. I dunno. Y'know what, you tell me.
* Athena (if present): Ahhh!
* Wilhelm (if present): Ahhh!
* Nisha (if present): Ahhh! Ahh...
* Claptrap (if present): Ahhh! I LIKE it! Very minimalist.
* Jack2 (if present): Ahhhah, Owww!
* Aurelia (if present): Ahhh! (Vault Hunters are transported into the digital world)
* Jack (to human): Welcome to Hyperion's prototype, a sort of digital airlock that preps your living code for insertion into Claptrap. I hooked it up to the digistruct pads.
* Jack (to Claptrap): Welcome to Hyperion's prototype, a sort of digital airlock that preps your physical code for insertion into, well... you. It's super technical. Point is, I hooked it up to the digistruct pads. Handsome Jack: And here's where I dial up the genius by, like, a kerzillion... (door appears)
* Athena (if present): Where does THAT lead?
* Wilhelm (if present): Okay. Where's that go?
* Nisha (if present): And that goes where, exactly?
* Claptrap (if present): Ooh! A closed door! Where's it go?
* Jack2 (if present): Just glad to still be alive! Uh -- where's that go?
* Aurelia (if present): A door. How impressive. Handsome Jack: Head through there and pick up the admin password. It's kind of a big deal. It's the only one I've got. Handsome Jack: You are goin' nowhere 'til you pick up that admin password.
* Athena (if present): So, where we going?
* Wilhelm (if present): Alright. Next?
* Nisha (if present): Okay. So where we going?
* Claptrap (if present): One admin password picked up! Where do I take this?
* Jack2 (if present): Got it. So, where next?
* Aurelia (if present): And now?
* Jack (to Athena): Yeah, it's a "we", as in "you".
* Jack (to Wilhelm): Oh, next you get to go somewhere suuuper cool, and earn some moo-lah.
* Jack (to Nisha): Somewhere real cool, hun. Trust me.
* Jack (to Claprap): Somehwere that'll fry your tiny robotic mind!
* Jack (to Jack2): Oh! Oh, you are TOTALLY gonna love it! -- I didn't even blink when I said that!
* Jack (to Aurelia): And now -- wait for it, lady...
* Jack (to human): Now head to the console and initiate my digi-sim program -- that'll load up a simulation of Claptrap's mind. If you can call it that.
* Jack (to Claptrap): Now, uh, head to the console and initiate my digi-sim program -- that'll load up a simulation of your mind. If you can call it that. Hyperion: Initiating CL4-TP simulation program. Handsome Jack: That will take you into a simulation of Claptrap's mind. Yeah, I know -- what the hell kind of dump's that gonna be? I envision, just like, an endless loop of cat videos.
* Jack (to human): Yeah, I fixed it so his mind's gonna think you're native code. Cool, right? You just walk in, hand over the admin password, get my H-Source, then walk right back out again. Easy peasy.
* Jack (to Claptrap): I fixed it so your mind's gonna think you're native code. It's cool, right? You can just scoot in, hand over the admin password, get my H-Source, and scoot right back on out again.
* Athena (if present): Sounds simple enough -- apart from the "inside his mind" part.
* Wilhelm (if present): Ha! Didn't know the trashcan HAD a mind!
* Nisha (if present): I'm up for the ride... but yeah, bet it's a cesspit.
* Claptrap (if present): Oh boy! Don't know if I'm ready for this -- I'm waaaay overdue for an oil change!
* Jack2 (if present): Can we get some sanitary wipes? I bet that place is just icky, so... no? Okay. Thought not.
* Aurelia (if present): To the silly little robot's silly little mind! Let us away! Handsome Jack: Big moment! Heeeere's the reveal! (path appears to a door framed with a giant holographic claptrap) Handsome Jack: Can't give you a clearer visual metaphor than this.
* Jack (to human):(looking in through a giant window) You actually made it? Wow, cool. Okay, so you're in a simulation of Claptrap's mind -- so, I guess it'll be full of digital representations of memories and people and, uh, whatever else he thinks about.
* Jack (to Claptrap):(looking in through a giant window) That, uh... that didn't -- that didn't kill you! Heh, okay! Fantastic, I'll make a note of that. So, uh, make yourself useful in there!
* Athena (if present): Well, this should be interesting.
* Wilhelm (if present): This place better have a decent drop rate.
* Nisha (if present): Another day, another freaky place.
* Claptrap (if present): I suddenly feel very introspective.
* Jack2 (if present): So, not really full at all, then.
* Aurelia (if present): My brain is going to need a long soaky bath after this. M00CH5H4RK.0101.BAT: Hey! Want help getting around in here? 5CR0UN63YS4M.0707.BAT: Y-Yeah! I can help! B3LLB0Y.BAT: I can take you wherever you want to go! URCH1N.BAT: Anywhere you want to go! Five dollars! M00CH5H4RK.0101.BAT: Yeah, five dollars! 5CR0UN63YS4M.0707.BAT: Five dollars! I'll get you what you want! B3LLB0Y.BAT: Five dollars! Pick me! Pick me! URCH1N.BAT: Five dollars! Pick me! I've got four subroutines to feed! Paid bot: Yeah, it's that way! (Claptrap's consciousness materializes) Claptrap's Consciousness: Helloooo -- digitized traveler, and welcome! I am Claptrap's consciousness, AND his higher CPU functions! Yaaaay! (Title card: CL4P-TP's CONSCIOUSNESS)
* Athena (if present): Uh. Hello?
* Wilhelm (if present): Don't get up in my grill, buddy, and we're cool.
* Nisha (if present): Ha, "higher"? Yeah right.
* Claptrap (if present): So, YOU'RE the voice I occasionally hear in my head!
* Jack2 (if present): Sff -- tough gig, pal.
* Aurelia (if present): Enchantée! Handsome Jack: Eh, looks like you got yourself a guide there, heh! Good luck with that. Claptrap's Consciousness: Oooo! You got an admin password, don't you?! Woooow! How special are you?! I can show you RIGHT where to put that! That's not rude, I mean, I actually CAN show you! Pickle: Cor! So you zapped inside Claptrap? Wonder how you could nick stuff if you're made of ones and zeros. Tiny Tina: Princess Fluffybutt's more interested in what happened next. Please, Athena, continue. Athena: Uh... okay? Claptrap's Consciousness: Uh oh -- BUGS! I'm so embarassed! I didn't realize how bad the infestation was! Careful, the small ones explode! Claptrap's Consciousness: SYS_ADMIN's up here! And, uh... when you're done with that password... can I have it? I mean, you know. Only if you're not usin' it. Claptrap's Consciousness: Hey, SYS_ADMIN! It's me! SYS_ADMIN: We're definitely not doing THAT! Claptrap's Consciousness: He didn't hear me. Let's go around the side. SYS_ADMIN: Data request queued. SYS_ADMIN: Denied. Claptrap's Consciousness: Hey! It's ME! SYS_ADMIN: Who? What do you want?
* Athena (if present): Uhh, I just wanna hand in this admin password and collect the H-Source thing.
* Wilhelm (if present): I got a password pass for the H-Source.
* Nisha (if present): Can I just give you this password thing and you give me the H-Source thing?
* Claptrap (if present): I've got an admin password and sure would like the H-Source, please!
* Jack2 (if present): Yeah -- I've got this password and reeeeally want the H-Source! -- And that is acting, right there!
* Aurelia (if present): I'm here to collect the H-Source. I have a password and very little interest in excuses! SYS_ADMIN: Fine, hand it over! SYS_ADMIN: That's... embarrassing. The H-Source is in Memory Bank 2, Cluster 00773 P4ND0R4 and marked "DO NOT REMOVE" by the Tassiter Proxy. Admin password privileges REVOKED.
* Athena (if present): Excuse me -- what?
* Wilhelm (if present): What?
* Nisha (if present): You're jerking me around, right?
* Claptrap (if present): Now, is this because I'm metallic?
* Jack2 (if present): I... Say what?
* Aurelia (if present): I beg your pardon?! Handsome Jack: Awww, no no NO NO NO! My admin password! SYS_ADMIN: YOU'RE not welcome here! Handsome Jack: And that... screws everything up. Thanks a bunch. Claptrap's Consciousness: A whole admin password?! GONE?! JUST LIKE THAT?! Okay, I've moved on. At least there's a way you can STILL get what you want -- and I can help!
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