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rdfs:label | - Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/Schrödinger's dog
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rdfs:comment | - ========================================================================== First Comments... 13:39, June 5, 2010 (UTC)
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Mcomment | - Not a fully formed article yet.
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Pcomment | - The lede is non-existent: normally Uncyc articles have a short section between the header and the first sub-header. Too much white space, and quotes really need to go at the top. Spelling is pretty good, but the first section is a bit awkwardly phrased.
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Icomment | - Perfectly adequate, could do with better placement though.
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Ccomment | - The length of this article tells me all I need to know about the concept: it's a nice title with no substance. In my browser, the largest feature in this article is white space. The explanation of the experiment is particularly weak; as I said above, there's no real coherence between choosing a biscuit and worm-poo-wormhole mechanics. Can I suggest a good template for this kind of article? Have a look at Turing Duck Test, an Uncyclopedia-famous universally adored feature article that really shows an exemplary exemplar of an example.
It's hard to think of a good example for an article concept, but how about a scientist who causes a minor doggie genocide by burying dogs alive in boxes and coming back later to test his theory? Now, I don't think that that's a very good concept either, but it's more like the guy's real theory and therefore is more likely to at least get chuckles of recognition.
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Hcomment | - It's quite funny in parts, random for the sake of random in others. The first quote is hilarious , and the fourth quote is also quite funny. Quotes two and three add nothing and should be deleted. The other funny part of this article was the Arschlack section -- very clever. I'm struggling to say much more as far as humour is concerned, as there isn't much content here, except that the funniest funnies are the truest funnies. I didn't find the leap from "dog must choose biscuit" to "worm in dog poop causes rip in wormhole singularity". Besides making no sense, it's also nonsense, and nonsense is rarely comedy.
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Fcomment | - I can tell you're a decent writer, but you need better ideas before you start word-vomiting. Consider that the best humour is reflective of reality, and derived from a great concept, and you'll go far.
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abstract | - ========================================================================== First Comments... 13:39, June 5, 2010 (UTC)
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