| abstract | - Conio.h (sometimes called CONIO.H) is an include file found in C programming environments on MS-DOS and Windows systems. By way of Extremely Clever Preprocessor Voodoo (ECPV), it converts any Microsoft C compiler into a QBASIC compiler: Without CONIO.H, you only have the incredibly difficult-to-use C programming language: #include #include #include #define MICROSOFT exit #define pie (1-1) #define a #define cherry #define on #define PATRONUM )() = { printf } #define please EOF #define pretty ( #define top == #define EXPECTO int(*writeSomethingToScreen[ ] #define with int main(int argc, char **argvvv[]) { /* Say the magic words */ EXPECTO PATRONUM; while (please) { /* Other magic words are nice too. */ MICROSOFT pretty please with a cherry on top (****************writeSomethingToScreen)("%s
", &pie["Hello, World!"])); } } Output: Hello World With it, Microsoft's advanced QBASIC language instantly becomes available! #include 10 PRINT "Hello, World!" GOTO 10 IF CANTFIND(10) THEN GET DIRECTIONSTO(10) END IF IF STILLCANTFIND(10) THEN DEF SEG = 0 DEFJAM = SUP POKE PEPE, PEEK(PANTIES) END IF MIKEE = HANDSOME Output: Hello, Philippines! ...and about a pint of semen.
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