Property | Value |
rdfs:label | - Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/Express kidnapping
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rdfs:comment | - TheDarthMoogle (talk) 17:16, May 17, 2013 (UTC)
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Mcomment | |
Pcomment | - Good writing-style! I did not notice any bad grammar but, just to make sure, you can ask for a Proofreading service . Also, there are several defects I noticed:
*I didn't really understand why one of your sections is called "A History" and not just "History"
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Icomment | - The first image is very good as well as its comment. But the absence of any others creates an impression that your article is unfinished.
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Pscore | |
Ccomment | - I can't find any negative points about your concept. I think it is very well-developed. If you want some suggestions of jokes, I have added them in the "'Humor"' section.
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Cscore | |
Hcomment | - I liked all your jokes. Parts which I liked the most were about walking in the walled garden, meditation, mortality result.However, almost all of talked about how a person spends is time with his kidnappers. Below are the suggestions for other jokes:
*You can give examples of people who have experienced these holidays and liked it or not.
*You could make a joke on the government which sometimes reacts slowly to what is happening and doesn't do everything to get those people saved.
*In addition to everything said, you associate express kidnapping with a style of holidays and explain why it is good, but at one point you say 100% mortality rate. I think this can break your writing style and humor style. To improve this, you can put: "Although the promoters of such vacations convince thier clients that nothing will happen to them, there have been several death cases. Etc.".
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Hscore | |
Fcomment | - Very good article! But there is still some work needed especially on the formatting. Several jokes can also be added.
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abstract | - TheDarthMoogle (talk) 17:16, May 17, 2013 (UTC)
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