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| rdfs:comment | - Crazy Uncle Ivan is the fourth scenario of the Descendants campaign in Heroes of Might and Magic II: The Price of Loyalty. The player must choose between this scenario and The Wayward Son, and either Joseph or Ivan will be available for hire in every subsequent scenario. By following his tracks, the heroes managed to locate the barbarian Ivan in the far-away desert town, and brought him back to his kin in Jarkonas.
- The late Ivan Telall Jones, also known as Farmer Jones and, most famously, Crazy Uncle Ivan, is TurtleShroom's paternal uncle (father's brother) and infamous for being killed by a freak storm boasting clouds with purple lining, consistent blue jets, sprites, and elves, record amounts of cloud-to-ground lightning, and blizzard-scale snow. The purple F2 tornado spawned by this storm which took Ivan's life, and the damage it left, remains a conspiracy hotspot to this day. Any conspirist worth their salt will visit his place of death.
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| personquoted | - Some other weather nerd
- Some weather nerd
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| quotetext | - On that one storm in that one night, I saw more weather phenomona than ten of my kind were supposed to see in their lifetimes. If I had been closer, Saint Elmo's Fire would have certainly been next, and ball lightning inescapable.
- My maps showed a definitive hook echo up front. The thing was being curled like a ribbon in the Fall Fair. As the storm creeped over the mountains, losing very little strength, I swear that I witnessed its edges turning from silver to a faint violet, while the rest of the cloud maintained is white, frozen gloom.
- Never, in all my years of meterology, have I witnessed such a perfect storm. It must have been thirty miles hight with vertical updrafts from top to bottom. Lightning flashed within and from the cloud to the ground multiple times a second, hurting my eyes to look at such wonder. I gazed in awe as I saw the front of the storm ascending the mountain, flickering and booming, rolling as if it was some barrelling beast, searching for prey to consume. It climbed the mountain and grew higher, its back end still in the distance and still dumping snow, I am sure.
- On that night, as the storm travelled east, what I couldn't look away from was the lightning. The clouds turned a faint purple at the edges as they transversed the mountain ranges. On that day, I saw every type of lightning known to penguin.
- As the storm continued east and the purple hue became really noticable, I saw the sprites shift from red to an evil purple, akin to that of any royal robe, color, or shirt in the Gift Shop. I was always told that sprites could only come in burnt orange, red, and with blue bases. They were wrong, and I promise to all who read my report that what I saw was purple.
- Each time a lightning bolt slammed the ground, so too did a pair of sprites. I was told that these were rarer than a sighting of Rockhopper, but I was suddenly disproven as every six or seven bolts were accompanied by these supposedly "once in a lifetime" clouds. I could faintly make out a few every now and then.
- Gawking at these rapid rarities, I also caught sight of some of the largest blue jets I would ever live to see; I mean, those bad boys seemed to be thirty miles above the already monstrous cloud, and they too made constant appearences!
- I could see that the mountains, even from my distance, were receiving record amounts of snow. The winds there could have been peaking at seventy miles sustained, and gusts of numbers no penguin should ever see. Feet of snow in mere hours, I watched as the winter monster ascended and descended the mountain. At one point, half was on one side and half on the other.
- I turned myself towards the right to watch the mass of death, and I was saddened to see it approaching Mattress Village. Surely, they have recieved warnings of this behemoth. I only hope that they are hiding in their basements, middle rooms, and storm shelters as I write.
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| Birth Place | - Ice Kingdom , in what would now be Mattress Village
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| Citizenship | - Antarctican
- Colonial Antarctican,
- Olde Antarctica,
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| Loss | - Allow three months to pass
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| Death Cause | - Natural causes: meteorological
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| Known For | - Being killed through unnatural circumstances and a freak storm
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| Parents | - "Grandma Jones"
- "Grandpa Jones",
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| abstract | - The late Ivan Telall Jones, also known as Farmer Jones and, most famously, Crazy Uncle Ivan, is TurtleShroom's paternal uncle (father's brother) and infamous for being killed by a freak storm boasting clouds with purple lining, consistent blue jets, sprites, and elves, record amounts of cloud-to-ground lightning, and blizzard-scale snow. The purple F2 tornado spawned by this storm which took Ivan's life, and the damage it left, remains a conspiracy hotspot to this day. Any conspirist worth their salt will visit his place of death. Conspiracies abound, but legend says the storm was engineered to take Ivan out specifically, for reasons no mortal creature can even comprehend.
- Crazy Uncle Ivan is the fourth scenario of the Descendants campaign in Heroes of Might and Magic II: The Price of Loyalty. The player must choose between this scenario and The Wayward Son, and either Joseph or Ivan will be available for hire in every subsequent scenario. By following his tracks, the heroes managed to locate the barbarian Ivan in the far-away desert town, and brought him back to his kin in Jarkonas.
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